what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
