I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
my liver is dry heaving
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize