I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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