I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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