I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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