If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
