My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
