remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You smell like stripper and shame
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
