Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
