If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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