He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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