Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think I sprained my soul last night
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
