The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize