you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
