so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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