Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
