Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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