Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
