My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
