You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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