Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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