Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
