Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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