If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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