if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
