Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
