There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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