Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize