Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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