I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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