He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
