jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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