just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wish my penis had a tongue
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
