So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
