Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
