Just cropdusted the office
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
