Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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