you guys were way drunker than both of me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
