I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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