i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
