JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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