I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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