I puked a lego.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize