She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
