If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your cock deserves a montage
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
