i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
her facebook's as public as her vagina
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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