You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
