Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
