Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
