i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't put those talents on a resume
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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