Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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