somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
