Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
