I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
