Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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