I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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