No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
