my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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