So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
