just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
