i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
