She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
