I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
