next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
