Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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