So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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