I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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