im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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