I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
