nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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