S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
