At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize