So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
