Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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