I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
