I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize