He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
