Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Church boner. Awkwardddd
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
